Hi hi! How are you guys? I missed you. I promise!! I realized the other day that I haven’t blogged in over a week (despite a serious back log of recipes, product tastings and events I wanted to share with you) and I figured out why. Since we’re all about honesty here, I thought I should just go ahead and
over share… I’ve been struggling with my weight lately and writing about food was making me anxious. I’ve finally turned some things around (in a little sheepish way) but I’m feeling better and don’t want to feel like I’m hiding anything from you guys, so here it goes…
I’m back on the dieting bandwagon. At least for a little while. I know I said I was done with dieting for good and maybe I forgot the struggles and ups and downs associated with restrictive measures (and need to relearn this lesson), but honestly – I got tired of the mental capacity intuitive eating requires. I still believe it should be everyone’s (including mine!) ultimate goal. I want to have the freedom to eat what my body and mind desire, drama-free. But in order to get “there,” you need to do a lot of digging and self-evaluation and discipline (yes, intuitive eating requires a lot of discipline… at least while you are learning the ropes of it) and at a time where I’m dealing with so many changes and emotions in my life, I just need a little break from all of this work.
Leaving my job created a lot of possibilities, but also a lot of old and new emotions. I still struggle with unrealistic expectations about how much I can accomplish in one day (which bring about anxiety and disappointment), perfectionism (in every aspect of my life… which turns into a lot of discomfort when I can’t completely control everything that’s happening… even myself), laziness (yup, I said it… that carries a lot of guilt too) and loneliness (that’s a new one from being at home alone during the weekdays…hoping to change that when my business launches!). Guess what? To cope with it all, I found comfort in food. Followed by shame. Here I was, finally pursuing my dreams and still dealing with my shit in the same old ways.
I tried pep talks and inspirational books, but like I said – it was all just too much for me right now. My weight gain was making me uncomfortable and I just wanted to get rid of it first and deal with my issues later. I know a diet is a band aid, but I feel like that is what I require right now. I own this decision. I think some of you may relate.
So anyways, I tried going back to calorie counting. I couldn’t do it this time. It was too flexible. I was good for a few days, then I would totally blow it the next day (of course stopping tracking once I was over my daily allowance)… and starting over seemed harder and harder each time until it gave me so much anxiety I would start overeating right away (this is why I decided that I was done with the diets in the first place – it created this vicious cycle!). So I’m now doing something that’s a lot more restrictive just to shock my body a little and take certain trigger foods (chocolate, I’m looking at you!) out of the equation. On Monday, I started the 2-week phase I of the South Beach Diet. For the next 2 weeks, I am restricting my sugar intake and eliminating most starches from my diet (basically, it’s a low carb diet for the first 2 weeks) and then I can bring back some whole grains, fruit and booze back. This first phase is the one I’m most excited about because it is already teaching me that discipline I’ve lost (and the scale has finally reversed direction!). Because the foods I normally would turn to in my discomfort are not available to me right now, I am forced to find solutions that don’t involve food. And that’s the best “side effect.” I really am feeling better already! By the way, Adam is doing it with me so I’ve been extra motivated. There will be no cheating here!! We are in it together.
PS – Even on a diet, I refuse to eat “diet food.” This chicken cacciatore recipe from Cooking Light was incredibly delicious, diet or not. Skinless chicken thighs are well seasoned and beautifully seared, then baked over a medley of peppers, tomatoes and mushrooms. I omitted the shaved parmesan topping because I was lazy and the meal was fantastic without it, but I think the cheese could add a nice sharp bite to the dish. Highly recommended!
Are you an effortless healthy eater or do you sometimes need the kick your own butt and get a little more “serious?”