I stepped on the scale a week and a half ago (actually on the last morning of my full-time job!) and saw a number I wasn’t happy with. I knew my weight has been slowly creeping up but even knowing that, I still wasn’t happy with the number (it was a lot higher than I thought it would be!). That morning I had a giant stomachache – it was a very unsettling feeling. Of course I was saying good-bye to my co-workers and closing a long chapter of my life that day… so I attributed it to that. I also told myself that a lot of the weight was gained from work stress and general unhappiness with my life (again: attributed to work) so that was the last time I’d see that number. I was finally going to be happier. And weight loss was surely to follow!
I can honestly tell you that I’ve been so at peace with everything for the last few weeks. My dream of becoming a gym rat hasn’t exactly materialized (seriously, I cannot believe how fast my days fly by and I wake up at the same time, if not earlier than I used to!!) but I haven’t been stress eating at all. What is happening is that I don’t notice the time and forget to eat… until I’m starving and I just snack on things while preparing my meal, which I end up not really eating (since I’m already pretty satisfied)… and then I’m hungry again a bit later with the cycle continuing.
Mentally that’s been cool… no drama around eating. We haven’t been eating out so I’m preparing all the meals and trying to keep them healthy and sane I’m of course happy to have days where time flies by instead of watching the clock and hoping for it to end. It’s been wonderful.
Except the scale was up almost 3lbs again!!
I hate this so much! I’m finally happy with my life in general. Sure there are a lot of unanswered questions but I’ve been letting myself just be. Eat whatever I want. Stop when I’m satisfied. Sometimes have an extra cookie brownie and not fret about it. Just being. I thought that’s what balance was but clearly my body disagrees. And now the peace is gone.
I’m so conflicted about what I should do next. I want to:
1. Continue just doing what I’ve been doing and seeing whether that number was a fluke. Just being felt so good.
2. Count calories for a few days/weeks. Perhaps my portions are so out of whack I’m not even realizing what I’m eating/doing?
3. Hide in fear of becoming a whale one day.
4. Restarting a food journal where I document my hunger and fullness levels before and after every thing I eat.
What’s a girl to do?!