*Time for another diet free living update since this topic is a lot more relevant for me today than what I actually planned to write about.*
Since my last diet free living post things have eerily been going smoothly. I think I have the weather gods to thank for it because just the knowledge of warmth and sunshine for a while there made my days in the office better. Adam and I have also been sneaking in nights on the patio as often as we can (sometimes with a bottle of wine – why not?). Honestly there was just no room for the food/body obsession in this life. I felt an almost out-of-body experience where I was watching someone else; someone I couldn’t really recognize because things weren’t perfect but she was just so happy and thankful for the things that were good, the other ones didn’t matter. I was happy. I was glowing. I could really get used to this life!
They say what comes up must come down but I was hoping physics didn’t apply to diet free living. Why should they? I was so happy not dieting! So in love. And that sun was still shining. And then something (an old demon) came up. And the sun was still shining and I still had the most amazing husband in the world, and I was employed. But I broke down. And I got the food shakes. And I let myself have some (I have learned that food can be comforting and sometimes it’s ok to let food “take care of you” for a little while there because no one/nothing else will fill that void quite the same. You have to be ok, really ok with letting food do that for you though, otherwise you’re opening up an old can of guilt inducing warms.) And then I tried to breathe and calm down but I still wasn’t ok and I bounced around between feeling not ok and going through the motions and numbing that feeling with food.
I snacked the night away last night and I’m not okay with it. I knew what I was doing. I chose it. I’m still not ok with it.
I have a food hangover this morning and I still don’t feel fixed. The same issue, the same sense of helplessness, is still there. I just added a stomachache to the list of thing to worry about.
It’s easy to feel defeated but I’m not letting this black cloud hang over me any longer. I’ve reached out for help (Christie is letting me join her Feelings eCourse last minute – super nice!) and I will work through this stuff. This is nothing I can’t handle and food is not the answer!!
That’s all I have for you today, folks. Just wanted this to be another reminder that there are always ups and downs and we can never get too comfortable. It’s a lifetime of a work in progress and I personally still believe that it is a very worthy journey to take on! Hope you are all doing ok and enjoying your summers!!!