It was easy the first 10 days or so. I was eating whatever I wanted (to my surprise, the treats were mostly in moderation) and I was feeling so free and happy. I even peaked at the scale after the first week (I know, I know, not good but I wanted some feedback) and I lost weight (I maintained the following week). I felt like I really found the answer!! Of course I also knew things would get tougher eventually.
Then a stressful day at work led to a bit of rewarding with food and I felt guilty. Apparently my self-permission to eat whatever I wanted was conditional and slowly but surely the same old habits of emotional eating crept back in. And I’m once again lost.
The back injury really threw me right back into that horrible binge/overeating cycle. I literally lied on the couch all day on Friday, feeling sorry for myself, crying and eating. And I haven’t been able to stop the eating ever since. I think exercise has provided me with safety and motivation. I no longer counted calories but I had fitness goals to achieve, which meant showing up for my workouts and supplementing them with solid nutrition. And now I can’t do that.
I am absolutely terrified of doing anything to hurt myself this bad again (and of course my chiropractor pretty much told me that whatever I do is at my own risk since until I’m totally healed, I’m at risk of it flaring back up). I’ve been dealing with this lower back thing for 6 months now and I’m afraid that it just won’t go away. This is really messing with my head!!
While I still refuse to count calories/points, I feel like I’m pretty much back to square one. So here are my mini-goals for today to get myself out of my head:
- Write down all the self-care things I could do for 30 minutes each day, something quiet to let my mind relax (for example, I bought a mandala coloring book months ago and haven’t tried it yet; I also want to find some modern cross stitch patterns). I need to establish some go-to activities for when my mind is racing and it’s important to do these daily so that I know to reach for them when I’m down. Do one of them today (and every day, really).
- Try meditation. Christie recommended some active mediation by listening to guiding tracks. I need to commit to this on a daily basis – even if it’s just 5 minutes!!
- Make a healthy lunch and a healthy dinner. My healthy cooking has been on and off lately which has lead to food choices that have not been making me feel my best. My body is craving veggies; it’s time that I listen and feed it veggies instead of pizza and chocolate.
- Take 2 hot showers and stretch. And then ice. I need this injury gone!!
I think that should do it for today. Also I may need a little reminder to take deep breaths.
Any other tips for me?