Sorry for the wacky posting schedule. I’ve been all over the place lately…
To be honest, I’ve had a few rough days with my eating again and it really sucks the blogging creativity out of me. I really hate how I sound like a broken record; how I am seemingly motivated to change… and then I don’t. The thing is, food has been my go-to in times of happiness, sadness, anxiety, boredom all of my life. That’s a really tough habit to break even with the best of intentions. Somehow all of those promises don’t seem to matter in *that* moment…
BUT we won’t dwell on all of this because in the last 24 hours I started investing in changes I am certain will get me through things.
1) After my couching session with Christie last night, I realized how important it is for me to have someone like her that GETS IT. She does not sugar coat things. I have to do the work to change but she did remind me that this bingeing thing is not entirely about hunger or even food and that it’s time for me to start taking care of myself. Seriously taking care of myself and honoring my needs with things other than food.
This will take time. But just like that habit of reaching for food when I’m uncomfortable, I’m ready to start developing a new habit – putting myself first! No, it has nothing to do with avoiding bingeing right now, but taking care of yourself goes a long way; this is just the first building block… we’ll get to bingeing later.
But what does that even mean? It means putting yourself first for a period of time. Doing things that bring you pure joy with no alternative motive (so that exercise high after it’s over does not count because I’m not always enjoying it during). So… I couldn’t think of any non-food related joyful things, can you believe that? I really couldn’t (except for mindless tv but I can do better!) but I promised Christie 30 minutes a day. Every day. That’s how you develop a new habit. That’s time that will be “selfishly” dedicated to me and me only. Everything else will have to wait.
I made a quick dinner after the call and then read for 2 hours. I just couldn’t put down the Garlic and Sapphires book… until I finished it. Pure joy.
2) Today I took nearly every penny from my checking account (I have 89 cents left, no joke) and invested in five 30-minute personal training sessions with a trainer that is really inspiring. She kicks my butt and reminds me of not killing all that hard work with junkie food. I’ve taken her focus class at Healthworks three times already and she asked me about my food every single time (because the first time I told her I was having problems on that front). I need to see someone in person that will remind me of all the things I know… and will not give up until I change. She does it in that perfect way that’s encouraging and I’ve felt empowered after every single time I’ve worked out with her. Worth. every. penny.
Do you have people in your life that motivate you? I need someone that can kick my ass, figuratively speaking And I also need true unconditional support from people in my life – that’s my family, friends and YOU. Thank you!!