Week 3 weigh-in: the unknown (+new challenge)

Today is Tuesday and that means it’s weigh-in day. I skipped last week’s weigh-in because we got back from vacation the night before and I knew the scale would not be kind to me after all that eating and drinking. Sometimes the scale can be destructive and I’ve come a long way to do that to myself (I have many issues, but the scale no longer rules my life. Not yet at least.. it’s definitely starting to mess with my head just a little!). So today was the day and let’s just say the week did not go well and I was scared. I was *this* close to avoiding another weigh-in and another Weight Watchers meeting but decided to face the truth. I’m trying hard to stop getting in the way of myself. This is important. The weigh-ins are important. These recaps are important – they give me time to reflect on the week and try to make some sense out of it and maybe even learn something.

Here is what I know from this week:

  • I was dead tired for days after coming back from California. I was also recovering from the flu. I prioritized rest.
  • I let negative thoughts take over my head. I hated how I looked and how I felt all day so I just let those feelings in instead of fighting them and doing something about the situation! (hello, the weight won’t come off on it’s own!!)
  • I ate and ate. I didn’t feel great so I ate. I told myself I’ll do better next week. *Sigh*.
  • I didn’t work out until Sunday (that’s nearly 2 weeks of not working out since I didn’t do anything on vacation either given the flu). I somehow created this fear of going to the gym. My couch was so much more accepting. I dreamt about a personal trainer that would force me to work out and whip me into shape. Then I could finally face the rest of the people in a normal gym and feel like my old self (Who am I? What the hell came over me? Definitely doesn’t sound like me.) [Side note: I canceled my Fitcorp membership (my last day was September 30) because Colleen moved out of the city and transferred her Healthworks membership to me (she won it earlier in the year and won’t be able to use it anymore.) Thanks again, Colleen!]
  • On Saturday I also decided to stop this craziness. I don’t need a personal trainer to “force” me to work out. I LIKE working out. But clearly I needed some extra motivation for some reason. So I came up with a challenge. In October (over 31 days), I will take 21 new classes at Healthworks. This will give me the opportunity to get to know my new gym and challenge me to new things. I’m calling this challenge “21 in 31.” Catchy, no? 😉
  • On Sunday I made exercise a priority. I took 2 classes in a row (Body Pump and Body Jam) and had so much fun!!! I burnt 800 calories and realized that I don’t have to run to feel like I completed a real workout. Running does burn more calories than any other form of exercise (for me) but I no longer enjoy it. Sunday was a blast and snapped me out of my exercise rut (although I still feel out of shape but the only way to get in shape is TO exercise – the couch won’t help there). On Monday I took a “ride” class, this morning I took a “fitness fusion” class. So far so good (4 workouts down already, this challenge is going to eaaasy if I keep going at this pace 😀 )

Here is what I don’t know:

  • My real weight. My scale this morning wouldn’t turn on (hope it’s just the batteries). I was scared to see the number but needed to see it. The scale clearly disagreed. This made for a very uncomfortable ww meeting because I supposedly gained 4.2 lbs but of course that was after I exercised, ate and weighed in with my clothes and wet shoes on. I know it’s not my real weight but it certainly didn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside either.

I went though several stages today (a true roller coaster ride) – happy to have woken up to work out (taking care of my body, yay), unable to do many moves in the class (frustrated), sad about the giant “weight gain” on the ww chart, inspired to make next week better, defeated when I saw (and ate) some cookies in the work kitchen, calm and collected after chatting with Adam and realizing I was being ridiculous. The last 2 weeks were tough. That doesn’t mean I’m going to keep gaining weight forever (a few glasses of wine helped calm me down too!).

So that’s where I am today. I’ve been feeling exhausted, defeated and definitely unlike myself. I realized that the ww meetings are actually useless to me (we don’t talk about our week with the group, there is just a “topic of the week” which is not really relevant when I’m struggling with so many conflicting emotions in my head). Writing this weekly post does help. I’m sorry it’s not more uplifting but it’s the real deal. This week I’m down. Next week I hope to be better. I keep going back and forth about taking drastic measures just to get this weight off and move on (not crazy drastic, but going back to calorie counting or something along those lines – which I no longer enjoy) but I know it won’t be that easy and I’m going to fight a little longer to do it on my terms until I throw in the towel.

What keeps you going on days/weeks when you’re down?

PS – Adam and I just decided yesterday to go away to Maine for the weekend. I think some peace will be very good for my soul. :)

PPS – If you haven’t already, please support me in Project Food Blog and vote for me to advance to challenge #4. Vote HERE, please. Thank you!! 😀

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25 comments to Week 3 weigh-in: the unknown (+new challenge)

  • i identify so much with your struggle! in my experience, fitness classes are a great way to break out of a rut. not just because you are being motivated by someone else (you basically just have to show up) – but also because of the variety it brings to your exercise regime. i think youre going to feel a lot better after this challenge!

    oh and congrats on having the wherewithal to take another vacation! sometimes when i get down on myself, i end up cutting down on vacations and other fun stuff so i can stay at home, watch what i eat, and go to the gym. it doesnt work that way though – you always have to make time to relax :)

    • Elina

      Thanks, Elyssa. Actually Maine will be kind of perfect because I will still be able to do lots of cooking but I’ll also be forced to relax quite a bit since there won’t be cell reception or much internet service. I think I need it!

  • Liz

    I have never participated in WW meetings though I did follow the program online (off and on) for quite some time. Tomorrow I am forcing myself to go to a WW-esque group that my university provides since it’s free and I need something different. I am not sure what to expect and really anxious about going because I have always preferred to deal with my weight loss privately. It’s really inspiring to me that you are so open with your struggles regarding your weight. It’s interesting to me that we go through the same thoughts and emotions even though I would consider you much healthier than I am (and certainly you have less to lose).

    Good luck; I already voted!

  • exercise has always been important to me

  • I know how you feel about having to force yourself to go to the gym. I usually do one of my dvd’s when I’m feeling that way. Then I can just get back on the couch. No driving 😉

    I’m sorry you’ve been feeling down. I have too. I finally decided yesterday to stop feeling sorry for myself, I’m more than my body and what I weigh now isn’t what I’ll weigh in two weeks, two months, two years. We are works in progress and it’s more important to take care of our minds and souls than our weight. I know this is easy for me to say, but I really do relate to how you feel and it’s not like I didn’t wake up this morning and feel like crap, I had to talk myself into letting those feelings go. It’s tough work, but turning negative thoughts into positive ones really shapes your way of thinking for the day. Sorry to ramble, but I relate to much to your struggle.

    Keep your head up!

  • I love the “21 in 31” challenge! I’m more of a solo exerciser, but if classes motivate you, I think it’s a great idea to set a motivating goal for the month.

    On days that I reeeeaaaaalllly just don’t want to hit the gym, I talk Shelby for a long walk outside. Obviously the rain here has been a deterrent lately, but in nice weather, a walk outside recharges not only my body but my brain as well. It’s the closest I get to meditation – especially if I can find a secluded & quiet place to walk and think.

    A weekend in Maine sounds like a perfect way to relax and recharge!

  • i used to do weight watchers and started feeling the same way about meetings. i do much better when i take the pressure off of myself and let the process be more of a long-term goal than a day-by-day or even weekly goal sometimes

  • hey Elina, I hope you feel better next week too. But remember we all have those weeks where things just don’t line up.

    I’ll confess that I’ve been dabbling in calorie counting again over the past couple weeks because I haven’t been enthused with the number on the scale. It’s a nice refresher and is not driving me totally crazy, so I’m pleased :)

  • Good luck with he 21 in 31 challenge! I can relate to your struggles, I’ve been there! What gets me through is patience and (this is going to sound corny) trying to love myself more. Sometimes I am too hard on myself that I forget about the other things that really matter and that I’m grateful for. I hope you get out of your funk soon, and I’m sure your Maine weekend will do you lots of good!

  • Gwyn

    Good luck on your 21 in 31 challenge. If I had a gym close by I would join in on it. I also do WW but online only due to my meetings being limited and I work shift work. I would check to see if they offer another WW meeting by a different coach in your city. That’s what I used to do. One would be very inspirational and the other was not so helpful to me. As for the weight gain, just take it one day at a time. You will be back on track in no time and definitely RELAX on your weekend trip. Good Luck!!!

  • eliza

    yay I live in Portland, ME. LOVE it <3

  • D

    I don’t have anything much to say except that I hope things look up for you soon!

    My only comment is that if calorie counting works for you, you should do it. I totally understand that it’s not ideal, but this shouldn’t be a *fight*. Doing it on your own terms can mean doing something “controversial” (god knows calorie counting is frowned upon sometimes in this blogworld) because the end result is worth it to YOU. Do whatever you can to minimize the “fight”, because you don’t deserve to have to fight or be unhappy. If the ends justify the means, don’t worry about it. Do what you need to do to reach the end result.

  • I definitely have to say my mom is what keeps me going on days when I am down. She has this way of always pulling the positive out of every situation and constantly reminds me that “everything happens for a reason” and struggles are there to make us stronger. Talking out my feelings in general helps me to feel a little better. I struggle with negative thoughts in my head and poor body image, but try to remind myself that being healthy is what matters most and that I shouldn’t be down about my appearance because no one is perfect and no person sees all of the flaws that I see. I am confident that you will reach your goal- keep stayin’ strong! Good luck in the challenge, you have my vote :)

  • I think that’s an awesome challenge. I wish I had the motivation to commit myself to something like that. I feel like I’m always too tired to exercise… I would really like to break that cycle and get back to the gym.

  • I think that’s a great challenge. 21 new classes? I don’t even know if my gym has that many different classes!

    The one thing I will say helps is talking to a therapist. I think a lot of times our issues with food are often related to bigger emotions that and dealing with a therapist can often help make sense of everything and to determine a plan of action. I know that blog readers/commenters can also function in that sense, but sometimes it’s nice to have a professional as a sounding board. I haven’t gotten one since I’ve been in Chicago and while I’m okay on my own I’ve realized that I really miss it.

  • Jen

    That’s quite the challenge. I actually just signed up for Healthworks. I can’t wait until they’re located in Coolidge Corner. That will be very convenient to me. I hope that translates into me staying focused… Good luck with your classes and let us know how they go.

  • Allison

    Hang in there. The ups and downs can be tough, but I know you can keep that even keel and ride everything out. :)

  • hey sweet pea! don’t beat yourself up over this. you will be just fine. i know it isn’t the most ego boosting thing to see your numbers go up, but it will even out. you’re always eating wholesome foods. that’s something to be proud of in itself. life wouldn’t be as enjoyable if you deprived yourself of things you love just because of a stinky old scale 😉

  • G

    Give Intuitive Eating another shot!!!!! It takes a while to kick in (you’ll feel fat and disgusting for a good while), but truly truly works and you won’t worry at all about what you’re eating or doing and you won’t yo-yo again!! You really will be naturally thin :)

  • love this post, you are honest with yourself which is more than half the battle. your perspective & attitude is everything! i am also a healthworks member, love bodypump.

    21 in 31…you can do it!!!

    – ellen from bottomlesskitchen.com

  • Robyn

    I don’t normally comment but I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in this.

    I recently came back from a three month long internship in Japan. I left at my goal weight and even dropped below it there due to being a vegetarian and having hardly nothing to eat(!) but was so hungry when I returned home that I’ve put on at least 5 pounds.

    I’m now taking the steps to try and get myself back on track but, like all humans, tend to fail at least once a week and consume unthinkable quantities of cookies and muffins! These things happen and while we shouldn’t ignore them, we need to accept them and learn from them. For me, I need to remind myself that all that food is still going to be there the next day. I got so used to having to eat all of it when I actually had food because I never knew when I was going to find something really good again.

    The silliest part about beating ourselves up is that we’ve done this! We’ve lost weight before and we can do it again! We just need to stop stressing ourselves out about it and just return to a healthy lifestyle.

    When I’m down I just think about how far I’ve already come and, at that moment, I get back on the wagon to stop myself from ever going back down that hill again.

    =/ I hope this doesn’t come off as preachy or anything. I haven’t been staying up to date on your blog since I returned to the states but I intend to re-read and follow it now. I look forward to seeing you succeed. =)

  • Elina

    Thank you all SO MUCH for your wonderful comments. I’m happy to report this week has been better :)

  • […] Week 3 weigh-in: the unknown (+new challenge) […]

  • […] I tried 5 new classes at Healthworks in the past week: a crappy zumba, an ok step express, a good Body Pump, a great kickboxing class and a pretty fun (1-hour) step. I was hesitant about the step class because it didn’t feel like working out but I actually burnt over 500 calories. I guess I was working harder than I thought. So that’s 12 classes completed this month – I’m getting closer to my 21 in 31 goal […]

  • […] but I can elaborate here). If you remember, at the beginning of October I challenged myself to take 21 new classes in 31 days of October. Did I make it? Kinda… I actually took 20 new classes at HW and then did one workout dvd at […]

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