Healthy and Sane

You’re going to hear about my weight and I’m not sorry about it

September 14th, 2010 · 91 Comments · body talk, food issues, weigh-in recaps

Before I dive in, I just wanted to say that I’m happy you are excited about the sweet giveaway I have going. If you haven’t entered it yet, you may do so here. Now onto the real topic at hand…

I know you’ve seen this going all around the blogworld… and by “this” I mean Rachel‘s “I’m sorry but I’m not sorry” attitude.

I’ve seen this popping up here and there and it seemed very empowering. And while I’m sure this was therapeutic to many, I  didn’t feel like there was a topic I was really “afraid” to talk about here. I truly feel like I have the most understanding readers and I’m very thankful for that.

And then it dawned on me. There IS something I’ve been struggling with. Something I’ve eluded to yet didn’t really want to make a giant issue of. You already know what I’m going to say… my weight. Yes, that. Talking bluntly about weight or the desire to lose some appears to be a very touchy subject in the blogosphere (at least for people that are not obviously overweight – for the record, I technically am). I understand that some food blog readers struggle with eating disorders. I’m really sorry about that. I really hope this blog is not triggering you if you’re one of them. But you see, I can’t continue like this. I need to lose weight. I think documenting it here will help me and keep me more accountable. So I’m going to talk about it. I’m sorry but I’m not sorry.

I haven’t been blogging every day (obviously) so you haven’t seen the extent of how bad things got recently. Somehow over the past few months, I’ve gotten addicted to eating at night. I can’t stop. I’ve gotten addicted to tasting, chewing, I don’t know what else. I feel completely powerless too. It’s like I trained myself like a dog to sit my butt on the couch right after dinner and start munching. No bueno.

I’ve tried everything (or so it seems). I’ve tried writing in my journal, distracting myself with tv, “harassing” Adam to hang out with me but even while doing all those things, I keep going back to the kitchen to grab another bite of something rather. It’s not good. So I’m trying one more thing.

I joined Weight Watchers today. I don’t want to start counting points or go on “another diet.” I just want to be faced with the scale on a weekly basis; I want my weight to be “officially” tracked, and I want to have a group of people I can talk to about the past week (if needed) without feeling like I’m whining. So today was the day.

I weighed myself at home upon waking up. Starting weight: 156.6 lbs. You have no idea how much it hurts me to see this weight. It’s been almost 5 years since I’ve seen this number and I can tell you I’m a completely different person (health-habit-wise) at this point. And yet, here is this number again. I was 140lbs at my wedding 2 years ago and maintained my weight at around 145lbs for a year and a half. It slowly creeped up to the high 140’s and now we’re creeping up into the high 150’s. I weighed in at 159.8lbs at noon at the meeting (after breakfast, with my clothes on).

So here we go. It’s time to face reality and lose that excess. Nearly 160 lbs is the wrong weight FOR ME. I am not implying anything about you, whatever you may weigh. Please be reminded of that. Everyone is different. Please let me be selfish and share my weight loss struggles here with you. And please help me if you can.

Today was a tough day. I thought the “newness” of it all would just magically fix me but tonight was rough. Very rough. I gave in once again. But I’m determined to keep at it. Next week that number on the scale will be lower. I will do my best. The right way.

Thank you.

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91 Comments so far ↓

  • #1 - elyssa

    thank you so much for your strength. im new to the blog world, and sometimes its hard to read about the seemingly ‘perfect’ lives and healthy choices of the women behind the words – especially when i struggle so much myself. your blog is always helpful and honest – and i want to extend my solidarity with you as you start this challenge!

  • #2 - Chelsea at Striking Balance

    I have been reading your blog for about a year now, and to be honest, one of my favourite things about it is your honesty. I loved hearing about your successes as well as your “failures”. I love hearing you speak about your struggles and track your food, etc, because I go through so many of the same struggles.
    I have the night time eating thing too, I keep going back for more and more even though I KNOW I don’t need it. It’s habit, and an addiction. I hope by following you through this journey it will help me as well. Good luck!

  • #3 - Emily Eats and Exercises

    A brave post! And helpful to read. I’ve been struggling in a similar fashion recently for sure. Even similar numbers (though I’m a lot shorter than you so I have more to lose.) Maintaining weight loss is SO HARD. Good for you (well, us) for keeping at it. I’m sure we can both get to our healthy goal weight in a healthy way and I think being accountable sounds like a great start. Good luck!

  • #4 - Meaghan

    Thank you for posting this. I’m in day 2 of a new diet and exercise program with a personal trainer. My weight has crawled up steadily for the past 3 years, and I’ve finally decided to take control of it and it’s good to see and hear and read about others on the same journey. Please continue to write about your experience and struggles and you will help everyone of us who read your blog.

  • #5 - Lily @ Lily's Health Pad

    This is your blog, and you can talk about whatever you like! I have faith that you will solve your struggles. Good luck with your weight loss journey.

  • #6 - Natasha

    Good for you for “going public” with your weight/eating struggles. As another reader mentioned, your honesty and candor with your readers is never something to apologize for, but only to be proud of. Struggling with night eating is so common, but unfortunately, not discussed nearly enough. You should be so proud of yourself for coming forward about such a sensitive issue. Best of luck with WW, and try to remember, this is an incredibly difficult journey, so don’t be too hard on yourself. You can do it!

  • #7 - Carrie @ TV and Dinners

    This is a very brave and wonderful post. I’m going through the exact same thing right now. I know I need to do something about it, I “start,” and then something happens and I’m off the rails again. You’ve given me inspiration to really try to get serious and committed.

    One day at a time, right? Best of luck — I know you’ve got this! :)

  • #8 - Michelle

    I’ve said it here before and I’ll say it again. Kudos to being so honest on your blog and I hope you continue writing this blog for you. xo

  • #9 - Fallon

    Good luck! All females going through the struggle of their weight. So don’t think you are the only one. I do this to myself occasionally as well. I’ve come to accept I won’t weight the weight I want to weigh and if I ever did It be SO HARD to maintain. All you need to find is balance and only you can do that. Again good luck and I look forward to hearing about it on your blog.

  • #10 - Julie (A Case of the Runs)

    I think you will find that putting it out there as you have will be all the motivation you need. I’ve found that I am at my worst when I think nobody is around, nobody notices, or nobody cares.

  • #11 - Jean

    I have always enjoyed reading your blog and your honesty. I was wondering what height you are and what weight you were in the previous photo of you on your blog.

    • #12 - Elina

      Jean – I’m 5’6?. I don’t know what previous photo you’re referring to. I may have been 5lbs lighter (I probably am in my profile picture on the left).

  • #13 - Hallie

    You are SO brave to be talking about this in this manner. I think one of the reasons I love your blog is because you say the things that I think about but don’t have the guts to put out in an open forum. I’m in a similar position except my wedding is in 10 months. I really want to lose weight and look great for that day, but for a variety of reasons, I’m not putting the effort into it that I’d like to. So…I guess I say please keep talking about your journey, it helps me so much!

  • #14 - One Healthy Apple

    Thanks for sharing Elina. I see so much of myself in your struggles. It is definitely not perfect on my end (at all) but wanted to let you know I’m around and know what it’s like.

    You’ll get there. I just know it.

  • #15 - Lindsay

    I am so proud of you for sharing. Just because you are not underweight does not mean you do not have to right to voice your emotions and feeling about your body. I hope that you are successful in your weight loss and you get to your happy weight!! :)

  • #16 - Kate

    I know how you feel! I try so hard to live a balanced life, but I just end up gaining. I need some sort of structure and routine.

    Good luck with WW :)

  • #17 - Candice

    Good Luck Elina! WeightWatchers helped me lose 80 pounds. It is such a supportive program. While you may not want to count points since you eat intuitively, you may want to consider journaling what you’re eating (just for yourself, I mean, not for the blog) and even doing the simply filling technique of WW which allows you to eat certain “healthy” foods and forces moderation on the foods that most of us struggle with. Good luck and you will hit your groove soon!

  • #18 - Ali

    Bravo Elina- I hate how people walk on eggshells to avoid triggering someone else. Gotta take care of number 1! Let me know if you need help with anything, or want to come for class! BIG HUGS!!!

  • #19 - Jessica

    Congrats! I re-joined weight watchers on Monday night. I knew I had been heading in the wrong direction with my food and Weight Watchers helps keep me accountable. Good luck!

  • #20 - style'n

    Elina, congrats and good luck! I think you look fabulous!!!

  • #21 - style'n

    Elina, congrats and good luck! I think you look fabulous!!

  • #22 - Lauren

    I applaud your honesty and willingness to discuss the very personal subject of weight on the blog… I know that it can be helpful to have someone/thing to hold you accountable & serve as a support system when trying to lose weight, and we as your readers can definitely fulfill that role :)

  • #23 - Elina

    Wow, guys. You are amazing. I knew I shouldn’t worry about bringing up any subject here. Thank you SO MUCH!

  • #24 - MelissaNibbles

    Thank you for being so honest and open. I try to be on my own blog and get some rude emails because of it. I hope everyone is supportive because there’s nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight. Email me if you ever need to vent. I mean it!

    Weight Watchers is a great program. I know it gets a bad rap, but it’s worked for a lot of my friends and my sister.

    p.s. We need to meet and talk in person!

  • #25 - Meghan@travelwinedine

    Your readers keep coming back because of YOU! We are a million percent behind you!

  • #26 - Shannon

    I haven’t been commenting as much lately in the blog world, but I wanted to add to the supportive comments above. So many of us relate to your struggles and your honesty is not only brave, but helpful to many who are fighting the same battle. Nighttime eating is my downfall too. It is very much a habit and a tough one to break. I think Weight Watchers is a great idea..anywhere you can get more support and encouragement is a good thing :)

    Just as an aside… You look lovely in every picture you post of yourself. I know that doesn’t make you feel anymore comfortable at your current weight, but from the outside looking in, you look beautiful!

  • #27 - Jessica

    Thank you so much for doing this post. I feel like I am on the same journey as you are- and at times it can be frustrating especially when you know that you try to be active and healthy. I wish you luck and keep your head up!

  • #28 - Betsy

    Best of luck on your journey Elina, I would love for you to share it/talk about it!!


  • #29 - Betsy

    ahh that was supposed to look like this <3

  • #30 - Morgan

    I think you look great, but what’s most important is how you feel! Good for you for being so honest and taking such a positive step. I may be joining you on WW after I pop this baby out!

  • #31 - Heather

    BIG HUGS to you girl! I love your blog & your brutal honesty. Some folks just need that & not all the “fluff.”

    I LOVE WW & am a Lifetime member (about 15 pounds from my goal) & am working hard to re-claim my status. It’s a solid program & really makes you feel “normal.” Nothing is off-limits.

    Good luck to you & keep your chin up. The best thing you can do for yourself is “own it.”

  • #32 - Lizzy

    Elina- I love the “I’m sorry I’m not sorry” posts. I have thought of mine and still have to write it. But its pretty similar to yours. I too am considered “overweight” by BMI calculations and I have had absolutely no control lately with food and have also gained 15+ pounds since my 2008 wedding. I wish you all the luck in the world but remember feeling good about yourself is much better than a number on a scale! And we will definitely have to set up that run once my achilles heals up so we can talk about this more in detail.

  • #33 - Alicia at Poise in Parma

    You are strong to come out and own this. I am walking a similar path – a VERY similar one – so please know that you can hit me up anytime for support. Us bloggers gotta stick together :)

  • #34 - Tiffany

    As I’ve told you before, I applaud you for being honest with your weight struggles, because I think it’s an issue that a lot of us deal with but are too ashamed to talk about openly. I know for me personally, I’m oftentimes too embarrassed to talk to other people about weight, or the negative body image I have because of what others around me tell me I should weigh (when you’re 5’2″, apparently it’s a lot less than what I currently weigh).

    You’re the one living in your body, and if you don’t feel good about yourself right now, you should do what you need to do to be in a positive mindset. But I think the most important thing for you to remember is that you’re a beautiful person inside and out already :)

    For what it’s worth, I’ve seen family members succeed incredibly using Weight Watchers, and I’ve even considered giving it a try myself.

  • #35 - Kristine

    Love it! To be honest, your posts on your struggles to find a healthy relationship with food are my favorite part of the blog. It’s what initially drew me in because it’s something that I, and many people, can relate to.

  • #36 - Lauren at KeepItSweet

    good for you posting that! weight is such a personal thing but it sucks when you aren’t comfortable with where you are… i did weight watchers for such a long time and it certainly worked… i am curious to see how you change your eating based on the new “diet”

  • #37 - Di

    Good luck! And thank you for sharing, I know that isn’t always an easy thing to do!

  • #38 - jennifer

    i’m in almost the exact same situation right now! same height, and around the same weight (maybe 165 even). i know i’ve gained weight over the summer and i just don’t feel my best right now! i’d like to get down to 145 or 140… as i go on my journey, i’ll enjoy reading about yours! wishing you all the luck in the world!

  • #39 - Bianca @ Confessions of a Chocoholic

    Good luck with your weight loss journey. I really admire your honesty, and even more so because I can relate with the weight loss struggle. My advice is to take it one day at a time. And go slowly but surely. I wish you the best!

  • #40 - Stephanie @ The Cookie Battle

    I just had to tell you that 156.6 is EXACTLY what I weighed in at this morning. I feel your pain. I have a long way to go but I know I will get there. So will you.

  • #41 - Kerstin

    Good luck Elina – losing weight is tough and we’re here for you whenever you need it!! Please don’t be too hard on yourself though – you’re beautiful!

  • #42 - Sarah W.

    ugghghghghg u and me both sweetheart!!!!!!!

    I weighed in at 155 yesterday and about freaked out – I haven’t weighed that much since HIGH SCHOOL. I too, was 140 at my wedding 2 yrs ago but its creeped up since then! ugh!!!!

    how tall are u? I’m 5’4″ so 155 is DEF too much weight for me to be carrying around.

    my goal is 125-135lbs. I would like to get there by March. going on a dream Costa Rican vacation in April with the family that i’m super psyched about and i want to feel confident in the photos!

  • #43 - Cat

    I’ve been reading your blog since this summer and your honesty is what brings me back. You eat real food and you aren’t afraid to talk about the fact that weight can cause extreme self-image issues. I’ve realized that my weight will always be something I have to keep in check. Always. Weight Watchers helped me get on track and learn about food and calories and how my body works. I don’t strictly follow the program anymore but when faced with a tough food choice, I can use the “points” system to realize exactly what I’m putting in my body. I wish you the best of luck and please keep journaling about your journey!

    PS – Night munching is the worst. I keep frozen strawberries stocked at all times. They taste good, are hard to eat fast and in large quantities, are nutritional, and satisfying. It’s the perfect treat when you want to chill out in front of the TV or with a book.

  • #44 - Eve @ nutritionbyeve

    I think it’s great how honest you are! And there’s absolutely no reason to apologize. I find that in order to lose weight (with a history of emotional eating) you need to accept your body in it’s current size. If you don’t respect yourself as is why are you going to want to do anything good for it? So I would try as hard as you can to be kind to yourself – definitely face the facts (like the weekly weigh-in) but also learn to love yourself as is and then you will find it easier to lose weight. Hope that helps! Also journaling about it here should really help.

  • #45 - Alicia

    First – I’m so inspired by how honest you always are on your blog! Second – I did weight watchers a few years back, and it really is helpful & good – so kudos for making that choice…..
    Third, Can’t wait to see you this weekend – I’ll send you a separate email about that!

  • #46 - Rachel Wilkerson

    Just like so many other commenters said, I love your honesty! It sucks that we have to feel ashamed about what we write about and I think it’s great that you’ve owned it, put it out there…and gotten such a great response from your readers! Thank you so much for jumping in and owning this — love it!

  • #47 - Annabel @

    I understand your struggle. First-hand – you know that. I think joining Weight Watchers is a great way to stay accountable and motivated. Thanks for sharing with us. I do hope though that you realize how beautiful you are and how that beauty is not contingent on your weight. I know you know that. And i know we both know it’s hard to believe that sometimes. Sending you love.

  • #48 - Daisy

    Good luck in your weightloss quest! I have a few friends who use weightwatchers too. Counting points or not , it sounds like it will be very beneficial. A lot of what you describe sounds like with ww+ a little willpower and a stong mindset of not walking back into the kitchen at night+holding yourself accountable on the blog you will at your goal weight in no time!!

  • #49 - Notes from the Fatty File

    Nothing but support from me, too. Your honesty is awesome and I know you’ll get to your goal weight and feel tons better about yourself. When I gained weight last year, the worst part wasn’t that clothes didn’t fit me anymore but that I felt completely out of control. When you regain control, I bet the night munching will stop. Things will look up soon!

  • #50 - Meet the Owners

    […] Elina — This was a great post about deciding to write about her weight. As we’ve discussed here, this is a super touchy issue and there can be a lot of shame in owning it. But she did…and so well. She wants to lose weight. It’s OK. […]

  • #51 - Kelly

    I’ve always appreciated the honesty in your posts. I think you’re right to share it however it works best for you. Weight Watchers sounds like a good option, I know so many people who have had good success with it and I myself have done it off and on using the website. In a lot of ways it’s a bit like intuitive eating (not quite but the closest of most diet approaches) but with a little more structure.

  • #52 - amy

    i wish we all didn’t care so much about our weight, but we do, we do, we do. i wish you PEACE, and i wish you good luck with your diet changes.
    amy k from los angeles

  • #53 - Body Conscious Blogger

    I’m going to be blunt and you’re not going to like it.

    Stop whining and clean up your kitchen for crying out loud!!

    Good luck with it!

    • #54 - Elina

      I’d like to respond to this comment by first saying that in my opinion, you just don’t get it. Period. If you look at the number (and quality) of comments in this post, you will see that many people struggle with night time eating, emotional eating, etc… and weight gain for that matter. This is a much more complicated issue that having junk in your house. Junk, I should add, I do not keep in my house. My kitchen is “clean” – at least by my standards. Secondly, if you actually read this post, I am not whining. I am admitting that I’ve gained weight and I’m doing something about it! Can you clarify something for me – why do you read my blog?

      • #55 - Body Conscious Blogger

        Elina, I do get it. I used to be in the same boat as you and only after receiving a kick in the behind did I understand what had to be done for me to get back to my normal weight and be happy about what I look like.
        See there is nothing wrong with eating at night. But there is certainly something wrong with eating junk at night. And that’s the problem.
        Reason for reading your blog: developing techniques in dealing with people who might have the same nutritional challenges as my future clients.

        I still wish you the best of luck :) I hope Weight Watchers will work out for you!

        • #56 - Elina

          Thank you. Your points are well taken. I hope you are able to provide feedback to your future clients in a more gentle way. Sometimes we need tough love, but you need to feel the love to be able to take something away from it.

          • #57 - Body Conscious Blogger

            You’re welcome.
            That’s the problem with text, you didn’t see me and my facial expressions. I do wish well.

            I truly believe that “a more gentle way” might not work as well as factual, clear honesty. It might come across as harsh but from experience I know that it works magic . In any case I hope you’ll keep as posted on the progress :)

        • #58 - alexa

          “See there is nothing wrong with eating at night. But there is certainly something wrong with eating junk at night. And that’s the problem.”

          i’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter if you’re eating bananas or cheetos, if you come back to the kitchen after dinner and eat an extra 500 calories (when you’ve already met your caloric needs for the day), it will lead to weight gain. the fact that the bananas are ultimately healthier than the cheetos is another story. and i have experience with this!

          sooo maybe don’t tell your future clients that they can eat in excess as long as it’s healthy. that’s just not true.

          • #59 - Body Conscious Blogger

            Alexa, I have never said it’s ok to eat in excess!! Moreover I do agree with you that one should’t exceed their daily caloric limit. It’s all correct. You read more into what I was saying.
            Nobody talks about digging into anything right after dinner ( at least not me). In fact you should eat a small meal every 2-3 hours which means if you eat you dinner at 6PM you can have a snack at 8-9PM
            Now about bananas…. Actually I would not recommend eating bananas at all and especially not at night. It’s a simple sugar that when trying to lose weight should be avoided. What I would recommend is eating a good, lean protein at night :)

          • #60 - alexa

            ah, okay! i didn’t mean to misinterpret! the bananas and cheetos were just an example, but i guess i just firmly believe that it doesn’t matter what you eat or when you eat it, losing weight is simple math: calories in + calories out. of course i believe in healthy, whole foods as well :)

  • #61 - Val @ Balancing Val

    thanks for putting this out there and owning it!

    I weigh close to that amount right now too and though I wouldnt consider myself fat, its no doubt that I am overweight and need to do something about it.

    Its all about your own personal journey :)

  • #62 - Amanda @ LessonsInModeration

    Like the others I admire your honesty. WW is a good reality check and makes you take a good tough look at your portions. I had a similar situation when I started, the number on the scale was a number I never thought I would see (135). I’m not technically overweight, but at just over 5 feet and with small bone structure it’s too much. You have the right to want to make healthy changes no matter what weight you are at. Don’t be sorry for sharing!!!

  • #63 - Steph

    I wish you the best of luck with your goals! One of the hardest parts about fitness and staying fit is not just the work you do in the gym – but the work you do in the kitchen.

    Just be weary of how you utilize that number that pops up on the scale. I’m 5’4″, 2 years ago I weighed 140-145 lbs (unfit, out of shape), when I started working out and changing my eating habbits, I got down to 127 (year – year and a half ago). Currently I weigh 133-138 – I never stopped working out, in fact I eat healthier, get in stronger workouts, and take longer runs. So why the weight gain? Muscle – I am more toned than I have ever been. At first I was really upset when the pounds started creepin up, but when I realized how great my arms and hamstrings look – I don’t want to be “skinnyfat” – that’s why I will own my weight. To be the scale is tool to track what work and what doesn’t when it comes to my workout and diet – I controll it, it does not control me.

    Thanks for sharing – your honest message will inspire and motivate your readers!

    • #64 - Elina

      I know exactly what you’re saying. Weight, to some extent, is just one number. One stat out of many others. Right now I’m less healthy than I want to be. That number (appropriately) indicated that it’s time to get a little more serious with my diet and my workouts. I promise, I prefer muscle weight than no muscle :)

  • #65 - Steph

    PS – sorry about that grammatically butchered sentence – I really need to proofread once in a while lol…

  • #66 - Bridget

    Go you Elina!!! I agree that it feels like no one wants to give out any “numbers” because of how it mgiht make others feel, but I feel like in other ways it’s going to help others more!! I think it’s awesome that you are just getting it all out there and just know that we are all there for you! I totally understand how having to face teh scale weekly is a good motivator, and I know WW has worked for some of my friends as well. Now you have 2 support groups…WW and bloggers :)

    Can’t wait for this weekend!!

  • #67 - Carly

    Elina, as always your honesty is refreshing. I secretly (not so secretly now) think that all of the “healthy” bloggers indulge every once in a while and don’t document it. You don’t… you tell us… and it makes me feel human when I binge at night, eat like a pig, and freak out about it because I’m not the only one.
    I congratulate you on choosing a path of accountability. Sometimes that’s all it takes. There will still be struggles, but when you are flashing your weight to others, it is a motivator.
    I started bad eating behaviors about 3 months ago and honestly haven’t stepped on a scale since because I’m too scared. Just knowing is scary. I’m really working hard to get back on track, and maybe I will finally check my number again.
    On a side note, I have found a way to help me avoid late night junk eating. I have started to drink a protein shake after dinner as my dessert. Since I am drinking it, it takes longer to finish. Also, the protein and liquid fills me up so I don’t feel hungry and want to eat more. I use chocolate whey with almond breeze and a splash of cold coffee. Yum :) Keep us all posted on your journey, I seriously look forward to all of your blog posts.

    • #68 - Elina

      That’s a really great tip. I did the iced coffee trick mid-afternoon today – I think it works for the same reason. I will definitely give a post-dinner protein shake trick a go soon 😀

  • #69 - Jess

    Aw Elina. You are very strong for posting something so personal. It’s not easy to do. And – what’s also not easy to do is be totally real and honest even when blogging on your own blog, it’s so easy to get caught up in it. So I totally bow to you for doing this, you got this, I promise!

  • #70 - Meghann

    I’m dealing with the same problem now. I know my weight is slowly creeping up an I have begun to avoid the scale. I like the idea of weight watchers simply as a reason to face the scale each week and to have support of others going through the same thing.

    You know you look great, but sometimes it’s about how you feel and what you know works best for you. Best of luck in your new journey. :)

  • #71 - Avi

    Elina, thank you for your strength in addressing this openly! I feel similar — I just started a new graduate program that has me walking 15 minutes to campus and back and forth across a medium-sized campus several times, as well as working late nights.

    I’m also trying to mix up my fitness routine (5-6 days a week) and train for a half-marathon, but I’ve gotten accustomed to eating dinner after 8 PM, so I sometimes think I have leeway to indulge a bit more — and it’s been silly things, like bowls of Life cereal or a handful more of Stacy’s Naked Pita Chips, not even actual “desserts.” I can’t tell if the few pounds I’ve gained over the summer are muscle or actually from degenerating eating habits.

    Best of luck in your endeavors! Thank you for being candid and motivating!

  • #72 - Tina

    I think this is GREAT! Your blog has to be what works for you and makes you happy. I think you can present topics like weight in a careful manner so those triggered by it know whats coming (much like you did in this post) but still share openly and receive the motivation and support you look for. I know after this pregnancy I will be working on losing weight. I know I will talk about it on my blog. Already I wonder at times how to go about it in the blog world. Then, I realize what matters is blogging for myself. Great post and you can definitely accomplish your goals!

  • #73 - KellyB

    Elina – That is great and I love your honesty. I know I’ve said this before but I feel like you and I have been traveling the same path. I rejoined WW yesterday as well, our At Work just started. I’ve been slowly gaining weight since last Christmas, and have bottomed out at 168.6, I was 150 last Christmas (I had previously lost 53 pounds to get there, which was my goal weight. I do great during the day everything is planned out, but then night comes along and I just start eating. I do eat good food, I just have been eating in excess of what I should and hence have put on 18.6 pounds. I do track, cause that works for me. I wish you success and keep up the honesty, that is what this blog is for. It belongs to you!!

  • #74 - shelly

    Good luck, Elina! My thoughts on your evening munching are three-fold.
    1) Are you eating enough during the day? I find that when I don’t eat enough during the day, I’m much more likely to over eat during dinner and afterward. But when I’m filled up, I don’t even think about food. Getting enough protein makes a big difference for me in this regard (even though I am a carb-lover in nature.)
    2) Have you filled your house with “clean” snack food, inadvertently? If there is a lot of food that you can just grab (even if it’s not necessarily bad stuff), then you may be making it too easy for you to snack/over eat. If you have to go through some trouble to prepare something, would you be less likely eat it than if you can just grab a handful of nuts?
    3) I think that this evening eating is probably a comfort ritual for you. Can you replace it with something else. For example, I love a glass of wine in the evenings, but when I want to cut calories I switch to herbal tea. It’s still a calming way to wind down, but I don’t get the calories I get from a glass of wine. Instead of snacking can you do some light yoga/read a book/take a walk/ write a poem/ play a card game with your hubby/ work on a craft project?
    And are you addressing all of the stressors in your life? If you’re carrying around a lot of tension from work, for example, and just eating to distract yourself, it may be better in the long run to address the real issue at hand or learn better ways (through therapy, perhaps) to deal with stress.

    • #75 - Elina

      Shelly – your points are all well taken. I started focusing on larger (real) meals so that I’m truly satisfied at the end and not looking to “supplement” them later. I also know that part of it IS stress eating although it definitely also morphed into a habit so I started “needing” to eat even when I wasn’t stressed. I actually just got a new tea – will keep you posted on how that little trick works :)

  • #76 - kara

    elina, i’m delurking here to reassure you that this, the *real* story of someone dealing with a *real* issue that so many of us face, is the reason we all read blogs in the first place. you’re doing a great service to yourself and to all of your readers by addressing this problem in a way we can all share. i think there are likely a lot of “lurkers” like me who would agree that we not only support you, but that we appreciate the support you give us by sharing your experience.

    • #77 - Elina

      Kara – Thank you very much for delurking. The overwhelming amount of comments really showed me how much true support I have here. I hope you come back and say hello once in a while here :)

  • #78 - Jessica@tastyandtrim

    You are such an inspiration to me, and I truly find motivation to stay on the right track through reading your blog. You are such a strong, determined woman, and I know you will reach your goal if you set your mind to it. I’m supporting and cheering for you all the way :)

  • #79 - Allison

    This is why your blog is my favorite blog in a sea of seemingly “perfect” healthy-living blogs. Thank you for this.

  • #80 - janetha g.

    great job on talking about this. i think that it is GOOD to talk about weight on blogs. you should write about whatever is on your mind. and if weight loss is the subject at hand, why not discuss it? it helps! and those who don’t like it, don’t have to read it. i, for one, give you props for this post. and nice job on joining WW and doing something about the way you feel. you inspire me with every post! keep it up!

  • #81 - jessica

    There’s nothing wrong with being honest- infact it is refreshing to read that your weight concerns you. I feel like most bloggers write as if they never think about their weight, which I don’t buy. It’s so true that the number on the scale shouldn’t rule your life however if your weight gain is making you feel less alive and energetic then you have every right to change it 😉

  • #82 - Meg

    Thanks for stopping by my blog! I was just thinking about this exact subject at the gym today. I think you did a great job of tackling this issue. I’m in a similar situation. I weigh more than is good FOR ME. Sometimes in the blog world, talking about losing weight can feel taboo or a trigger for those with ED’s.

    I also am a night time eater which is something that I’m in control of sometimes and not in control of other times. One trick that seems to work for me is focusing on staying hydrated throughout the day. Good luck! :)

  • #83 - BostonRunner

    I don’t think you should feel scared to share your feelings about losing weight in the blogosphere. Truthfully, I admire your honesty. I think there are certainly other bloggers out there who share you feelings (me included).
    I struggle A LOT with eating late at night. It’s the only time I’m really home during the day and I’m bored and I like to eat : ) I find that once my mind even THINKS about the possibility of a late night snack, I can’t resist it. The best thing that has helped me is eating more throughout the day so I feel more satisfied at night. Really though, I struggle with this daily and haven’t found a true answer to it!

  • #84 - Allie

    I love how honest you are. Also, regardless of 5,10,15 pounds, you look great. I do understand feeling good in your body though. Good luck!!

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    best of luck on weight watchers. i recently joined and despite my unwillingness to count points, it really has helped me become more honest with myself regarding what i eat. it doesn’t matter how much you weigh, you are a fabulous person :)

  • #87 - Sarah

    You are so beautiful! Your blog makes me feel like I am a normal human being. Alot of other blogs make me feel like I am not good enough at eating well, exercising lots, etc etc, but when I read your blog, it makes me feel good, makes me feel like I am a healthy person despite slip ups, that I am normal. Thank you for being so beautiful, real, and honest. 😀

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