Man, I don’t even know where to start with this post. Last weekend I decided to stop counting calories and give intuitive eating another go. The first few days were tough – I was not eating intuitively at all. Old habits die hard and my food addiction means that I eat emotionally. Hard day at work? A cookie may be just the escape I need, even if for a few minutes. Gorgeous day out? Let’s celebrate with a drink or a pastry outside! There is nothing wrong with enjoying food for reasons other than hunger. I get it. I love food. It’s when food becomes an impulsive response to every life situation, that’s when one (um, I) may get concerned. In any case, I’ve been trying to go through this process and be non-judgmental. When I overate on chocolate cherry almond clusters and pea pesto crostini, I reminded myself that I’m just a work in progress. I had a small slip-up on Friday night when once again I found myself next to a container of those delicious chocolate cherry almond clusters and had 3 of them and then hardly touched my dinner (Adam was happy to eat it, no food was wasted – no worries 😀 ). Here is a little picture of the first guy. SO good!
Other than that though, I’m starting to get the hang of it. That’s really great news since it’s only been about a week. Anyways, this post is not really about my progress on IE. There will be more posts on that, I promise. The reason I am mentioned it is because trying to eat intuitively is teaching me something other than not eating mindlessly. It is teaching me to be more kind to myself. That’s when yesterday’s run comes into play… shall we begin?
I had a goal – I wanted to run 12 miles and I wanted to run them by myself. It was supposed to be a gorgeous day out – this was the perfect day for me to run at a comfortable speed and really listen to my body. No distractions, no guilt about holding someone else back – just me and my ipod. The sun was shining, I was pumped. Around 10 am yesterday morning, I took off. I had a whole run mapped in my head and was looking forward to every milestone. After about 2 miles I was done I wanted to walk, just for a few minutes. I made a deal with myself that I could walk after 3 miles. Done – walked for 0.15 miles at mile 3. Loved every second of it. Then I slowly took off. It felt great to run. I didn’t understand why I needed to walk before. And then oh I don’t know, less than a mile in, I wanted to walk again. I walked again for about 0.15 miles. This little game continued for a few more miles. I was mentally exhausted.
Right at the half-way point, I was just DONE. I didn’t feel like running for 1 more second and I started questioning the reasons for running at all. The high of finishing a challenging long run cannot be beat. You know you accomplished something so amazing, all with your own 2 feet and mind (the latter possibly being the more important one). I wish I could bottle up this feeling, but yesterday I didn’t care about how amazing it would feel. I wanted to be kind to myself and just stop. I don’t mean just this one time, I mean just stop… for good.
Running has become a source of (mental) pain for me, only sometimes followed by joy. Of course it feels so good because it’s hard but maybe that’s not good enough. Maybe I can live a life where I follow my passions (fitness related included) and have that be enough, whatever “that” may be. I do enjoy running but I’m really done with training. I want to run because I feel like it, not because I have to. I think this whole time I was beating myself up for that horrible ending of last half. I forgave myself yesterday and I’m moving on.
What does that mean going forward? I will continue running with my friends and sometimes on my own (most likely just shorter runs). I will NOT worry about pace or distance. That’s not the point. I will explore other workouts. Yoga has become a recent passion I have not been able to dedicate sufficient time to. I was postponing so many things until “after that May half.” Once I made the decision to stop training, it was like this giant weight was lifted off my shoulders. What’s quite ironic, is that I actually sprinted. I took off because I wanted to and it felt amazing! I ended up covering about 10.5 miles yesterday. I probably ran 7 of them. I am happy with that because I am happy with my decision to let go. This is progress for me.
I haven’t posted about any of my food since Thursday. I put a self-imposed ban on eating out this weekend because we’ll be eating out A LOT next week. Everything was delicious and I would love to share it with you over the upcoming days. Although it’s a bit out of order, I guess I’ll share yesterday’s eats with you in this post. I ate intuitively. It actually is easier for me on the weekends.
1.5 toasts with homemade almond butter, 3/4 banana and coffee
I was running late for my hair appointment after the run/walk and a shower so I grabbed a juicy apple + a larabar to consume on the go.
After 2.5 hours at the salon, I was more than happy to eat for real. I was actually dreaming of a veggie/hummus bagel sandwich the entire time I was in that chair.
The Boston Garden from Finagle A Bagel (hummus, mixed field greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, olive tapenade & balsamic vinaigrette) on a ww bagel, scooped out
I enjoyed it on the bench in Copley Square while soaking up the sunshine and people watching. It was perfect. 😀
Sushi that we made!!!!
Adam and I took a maki making class yesterday and came home with so much good stuff. I’m just going to post these pics for now, but I will do a recap of the class in a separate post. Deal?
The sushi was awesome. We both felt so proud of our creations.
Quite the day. Lots of decisions. I feel like I have so much more to share but we’ll leave it at that for now (gotta leave a little material for future posts 😉 ). I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and I hope that you’re not disappointed in me. I’m happy with my decisions this weekend.
And on that note… peace 😎