I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately and trying to think about why I keep bingeing. I’m honestly sick of talking and thinking about it, and I hate that I feel like a victim to this “bingeing demon.” I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to give in. I’m taking responsibility for my actions and changing them for the better. On that note, I think I figured out why going from calorie counting to intuitive eating probably triggered this crazy bingeing. I almost feel like with this new self-discovery and my new “plan” I can get this resolved… for good! Feel free to skip over this part and scroll over to the food pics if this is not relevant to you… I won’t judge
So here we go… When I was in a hardcore losing weight mode last year, I counted calories religiously for 6 days, then went 100% nuts on day 7. I worked out during those 6 days and had the seventh day as my “rest day” – from everything! I ate all day long, whatever I wanted, and of course gained some weight due to this one “cheat day” but overall I lost more during the week so the number on the scale was going down and my workouts helped shape my body. I thought that this approach was a good one – for me. I accepted the fact that I was an all-or-nothing person and thought that I figured out a way to make things work with this handicap. Unfortunately, it looks like the second I stop counting calories, my brain thinks it’s “day 7″ so all bets are off – and my binge eating is triggered again. This is not healthy and I’m stopping this madness. I’m serious this time! <– scary smiley face=I’m serious
Oh, about my plan. I’ve been emailing back and forth with Eve, who’s been absolutely wonderful. Eve is an RD in NYC and I wish I still lived there. I think she would have been a huge help to me! Anyways, she said something very basic yet kind of genius. She said that I still needed rules even if I stop counting calories … and she’s right! I work well with rules. That’s how I lost weight before. I just need some slightly softer rules now as I’m trying to resolve my food issues and lose weight slowly. So here is my new rule: I can have 1 treat (any treat) a day, every day, if I want one. If I know I’ll be going out at night, I’ll eat super clean during the day. If I want a large cookie or a special dessert, I can have it too… but just 1, and I have to eat super clean for the rest of the day to provide my body with the nutrients it needs. Simple, right? Today I allowed myself to have a treat, but I didn’t want one! I passed by free office cookies with no problems, and then passed by a cute brownie stand at the farmers market like it was nothing. I wanted cleaner foods so I rolled with it. I think I’m still kind of disgusted by Tuesday’s incident. It won’t last long but it’s ok, because I can have a treat every day if that’s what I really want. I won’t lose weight as fast, but it’s ok. I’ll be sane, and with my workouts I think I will still be able to lose some weight. Thanks again, Eve!!
Onto today’s cleanish eats. I’m so proud!
In the bowl: TJ’s organic nonfat european style yogurt, 1 fresh apricot, cantaloupe chunks, fresh blueberries, Kashi Golean cereal, Zoe’s almond cranberry granola (just a tiny handful) + cacao nibs. I feel like I haven’t had a big yogurt bowl like that in forever. This was delicious!!! The cacao nibs were really subtle. I still can’t figure them out – they’re either intense and bitter, or get lost in the mix. I’m going to keep experimenting
Mid morning snack: Nature’s Path organic cinnamon apple instant oatmeal + 1T Justin’s cinnamon peanut butter. This was such an amazing snack! It was sweet but hearty. I’m going to buy more packets to keep on hand for dessert. Seriously, I think this may satisfy my sweet tooth on many occasions going forward. Yay for new discoveries
Lunch was random (another dinner sans leftovers): yellow cauliflower from the farmers market (microwaved for 2 minutes) +Annie’s white cheddar organic mac & cheese. I added the cauliflower to the cooked pasta and then added the cheese powder to make everything nice and cheesy. Actually this was kind of ass kicking
Mid afternoon treat: decaf tea + 2 Indigo Rabbit heavenly chocolate pillows
Dinner was also ass kicking! I followed this recipe from Cooking Light for tomato goat cheese strata (found through Tri To Cook). We didn’t have enough eggs so I halved it. So delicious!! Adam said it was like a fancy deconstructed egg and cheese. Okay – whatever works
Multiply this slice by 2. This is only 1/2 serving shown here… I went back for seconds
Dessert: 2 turkish dried apricots. These guys are extra sweet!!
If you can’t tell from the tone of this post, I’m in a fantastic mood! I feel a lot more in control and feel like I am finally making true progress. I have a special treat in the oven that I will enjoy tomorrow since it’s 10pm right now. Yay to being rational