All or nothing

Ugh, I am so mad at myself right now so I have to write this post to get something off my chest (and hopefully steer myself towards more positive thinking).  I just stuffed myself with 2.5 very large cookies.  Ever since I decided to treat myself during the holidays, I just can’t seem to turn down ANY unhealthy foods that I am tempted with.  A little treat is great, but the treat seems to turn into full on binges and that’s just not healthy or sane.  I am so mad at myself right now (hmm, I think I already mentioned that)! 

This what happened: I was really stressed out at work the moment I sat down at my desk.  I tried to enjoy my yogurt parfait (a separate post with pictures of everything will be posted tonight), but after about 1 hour dug into my office drawer for some chocolate covered edamames (I needed chocolate!).  Then on my way to the caffeteria to get coffee I saw some chocolate covered popcorn (same as I had last week).  I told myself that it’s not a real treat and that I should really only indulge myself in something “worthy.”  So far so good.  Then I found a plate with cookies.  I was stressed and I love cookies.  I grabbed 1.  I ate it during my conference call and then went back for more.  I had another one… and then another 1/2 (because that’s what was left).  Now I’m stuffed (hours later), skipped my lunch time gym workout (because I’m full) and feel disguisting and dissapointed in myself.  This wouldn’t have happened if I completely forbid myself from having any office treats, but that brings up a whole other not-so-healthy deprivation aspect to the situation.  I can’t seem to win.  I wish I wasn’t such an all-or-nothing person.  I am really trying to find the right balance and just have a little bit at a time, but I keep falling down.  I know I’m gaining weight like crazy too, which is not good.  I worked too hard on losing it, and I want to lose more.

I am trying to concentrate on something other than hating myself right now.  I considered going for a walk but it’s freezing cold outside.  I considered scheduling an emergency massage, but I don’t know if it’s even possible (probably not) and I feel to full so I probably will feel too sick anyways.  I wanted to read a few quick blog posts to see positive examples of healthy eating and balanced lives, but I can’t even look at food right now without making myself upset.  I need to go for a run…. later, and sweat it out.  I hope I do.

Ok, end of rant.  Sorry. :(

How do you find the balance?

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16 comments to All or nothing

  • Beating yourself up truly makes it worse. I’ve decided that if I eat a cookie then so be it. I do watch my calories and I do try to workout a little more if it’s been a high calorie day of treats.. or opt for a smaller dinner with something that will really fill me up so that I’m still staying within a calorie goal. But stressing about food surely makes it worse.

  • Katie

    Go easy on yourself! Although you have bad moments/days that doesn’t mean that the way you are living your life is ALL bad. The holidays are tough for everyone so dont feel like you’re alone with that – tomorrow is a new day and this ‘season’ only lasts a bit longer – make a fantastic healthy dinner tonight or sit down and plan some healthy new lunch options – that always makes me feel better when I know I’ve over done it.

  • Kim

    I can understand what you’re going through as I’ve been through it many times before. What I’ve found works for me is that it’s best to just acknowledge what’s done and then continue through the day in a manner that will counter those extra calories. And then of course sneak in a workout to burn off the rest! I used to beat myself up over the fact that I not only ate something I shouldn’t have, but that I ate too much of it.. but then I found it wuold set me on a whole downward spiral which just led to more bad decisions.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself though 😀

  • I often find myself following into the same trap of the “all-or-nothing” mentality.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself, and it is great to get that off your chest. I guess all I can suggest is learning to change the way you think of these office goodies as not being so sinful as one may think of them to me. I hope everything in the end turns out for you. And sometimes, I find that depriving myself in the first place makes me want them even more and lead to a bigger unexpected craving and need for the item.

    Hang in there!

  • Andrea

    i end up doing this ALL THE TIME lately too – with exams and the stress of the holiday season. just last night my roomies made my other friend who turned 21 a huge bday cake and i chowed down on leftovers :( anyways that night i ended up going to the gym anyways and doing the bike (since i was too full to run) and i felt 100000 x better. the next day i just forgot about the past and started fresh. here’s one of my favvvvorite quotes, hope it helps!!

    “Every day is another chance to get things right” – lauryn hill

  • No worries about the cookies!!! It happens to all of us! Have a light dinner tonight and squeeze in a workout– you’ll be as good as new! :)

    I love the new layout and header, by the way! :)

  • inna

    i agree with everyone – it’s truly counter-helpful (donno if that’s a word) to beat yourself up over this stuff. Work out tonight – i would also walk home in the cold – it makes me feel more (ahem) ‘alive’… (The cold clears my head or something)
    anyway – there’s a reason this indulging season is in the winter – you get to cover yourself up for a few months — then work it off – and you’re back to SEXEY in spring! 😀

  • Oh I’ve so been there. There’s no good answer to this dilemma. Do be kind to yourself.

  • I completely understand what you are feeling. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Tomorrow is a new day. You can do this!!!

  • umm, i’d love the answer, because i thought you were talking about my behavior recently… i think it’s a cycle… it hasn’t always been liike this. just remind yourself of the amazing support you have, and wake up fresh tomorrow. it’s a journey, the road is not smooth, but we will get there!

  • Aww sorry you feel so crappy…I TOTALLY know what your going through. I have such a problem with office treats!! They are always just sitting out in the kitchen, so when ever I am back there (to get water or supplies…our supplies are back tehre too) I’ll have a little slice here a little piece there and then I feel like crap. The best thing is to have a really clean healthy dinner…fresh veggies, lean protein…and try to do some at home excersizes if you can’t get to the gym.

  • I TOTALLY understand the “all or nothing,” mentality. It’s hard to fight. Really, you shouldn’t beat yourself up over 2.5 cookies or whatever, but I understand that it is easily done. Just know that in the big picture you are completely on track, and that your next meal/snack time is your next opportunity to make a healthier choice.
    You are doing great, Elina, so don’t stress over a couple cookies!

  • […] mentioned in my previous post, I grabbed some chocolate covered edamame from a desk drawer.  I didn’t take a picture as I […]

  • Sorry I’m late commenting on this (I’m behind on blog reading!), but I had to comment. We all have moments like this – I swear!! I resisted the urge to go through the BK drive through last night, only to come home and finish off a bag of pita chips (which probably still had 2-3 servings in it). I’ve been indulging a bit too much off & on the past month or so as well, and at first last night I felt guilty about my “binge” into the chips, but honestly, once I thought about it a little more, I blew it off. I’m only human. I eat well 97% of the time, I’m active, it is OKAY to slip up sometimes! Every meal/snack is a new chance to eat healthy again and make a better choice!

  • Elina

    Thank you all so much for your comments! It means a lot and I feel 5000% better! 😀

  • […] night when I was trying to fall asleep.  I just couldn’t figure out how to prevent “these types of days” from happening.  After a while I fell asleep and this morning I was ready to have a better […]

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